I should be working on my fic right now
Nov. 10th, 2019 12:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ratbones1. Rattiekins is cold. Needs hugs. Or at least a blanket and some tea. It was 75 degrees here a week ago, and today's high was barely above freezing. I don't hate winter, I just want more autumn first. :(
2. Got a box from Bangkok this week: presents from my aunt! It included a notebook with a kitty on it, two pens with hedgehog-shaped toppers, and a shirt that both fits me and suits my tastes. Everything was wrapped in colorful paper and tied with curly ribbon. Am I too old to get hedgehog pens from my auntie for no reason? I'm glad she doesn't think so. Don't tell the rest of my flock of relatives, but she's my favorite.
3. The anxiety I had when I started posting Zombie WIP was that nobody would like it. The anxiety I have now is that several people like it and I must not disappoint them. I much prefer the second one, but it's still a thing, and now I also have anticipatory anxiety about what to do with myself and my words when I get to the end. These are good anxieties to have, though. These are anxieties about wanting to make sure that I and others continue having a good time. Since when do I get to worry about things like that? It's new.
4. According to my own schedule, I'm meant to post a chapter on Tuesday. That might not happen. I've never promised anyone I'll post a chapter on a certain day, but I've also not fallen behind my own personal deadlines since August, and that was for external reasons. This is just...I procrastinated a lot this past week? I have a little section here, prior to endgame events, where I just have to let the characters figure out how they're going to muddle through, but after the last three chapters, in which every scene had to happen exactly how it happened, I got a bit spoiled and now I don't FEEEEL like muddling. As soon as I have a chunk of time -- tomorrow evening, I hope -- I need to sit down and just bang out a few imperfect scenes and see what's going to work. I do recognize that the procrastination has something to do with the anxieties mentioned in #3.
5. Every item on the list got longer than the previous one, so I've made a short one at the end to prove that I can stop myself if I want to.
2. Got a box from Bangkok this week: presents from my aunt! It included a notebook with a kitty on it, two pens with hedgehog-shaped toppers, and a shirt that both fits me and suits my tastes. Everything was wrapped in colorful paper and tied with curly ribbon. Am I too old to get hedgehog pens from my auntie for no reason? I'm glad she doesn't think so. Don't tell the rest of my flock of relatives, but she's my favorite.
3. The anxiety I had when I started posting Zombie WIP was that nobody would like it. The anxiety I have now is that several people like it and I must not disappoint them. I much prefer the second one, but it's still a thing, and now I also have anticipatory anxiety about what to do with myself and my words when I get to the end. These are good anxieties to have, though. These are anxieties about wanting to make sure that I and others continue having a good time. Since when do I get to worry about things like that? It's new.
4. According to my own schedule, I'm meant to post a chapter on Tuesday. That might not happen. I've never promised anyone I'll post a chapter on a certain day, but I've also not fallen behind my own personal deadlines since August, and that was for external reasons. This is just...I procrastinated a lot this past week? I have a little section here, prior to endgame events, where I just have to let the characters figure out how they're going to muddle through, but after the last three chapters, in which every scene had to happen exactly how it happened, I got a bit spoiled and now I don't FEEEEL like muddling. As soon as I have a chunk of time -- tomorrow evening, I hope -- I need to sit down and just bang out a few imperfect scenes and see what's going to work. I do recognize that the procrastination has something to do with the anxieties mentioned in #3.
5. Every item on the list got longer than the previous one, so I've made a short one at the end to prove that I can stop myself if I want to.
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Date: 2019-11-10 06:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-10 06:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-10 01:13 pm (UTC)No-one is too old to get hedgehog pens for no reason! (Be sure to brainwash any junior relatives so they know to send you hedgehog pens in your eventual retirement home.)
I feel you on autumn being too short. Summer lasted forever, so I only really got 2 weeks of wearing my amazing collection of Zhao Yunlan -style jackets before it got cold. (I managed to get another week by layering, but it's been solidly wool coat weather for a month. And there's snow on the ground, now.)
Aw, hugs! And a blanket and tea. Perhaps thinking of your track record might work? You already wrote a longfic and didn't disappoint people – of course you can stick the landing on this one as well.
I feel you. I am going to now use my nonexistent Dixing powers of clairvoyance/remote hard drive reading to diagnose your fic with ... a tragic lack of geese! Just add a goose for extra conflict. *g*
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Date: 2019-11-10 01:45 pm (UTC)I know both those anxieties very well and constantly wrestle with them. I can only say that I'm really sure all of us will love whatever you write, because evidence shows that we love your writing!
Also, post-fic drop is real. It took me like three days to write the last scene of Goblin Fruit, which I finished on Friday night, and then I didn't do any writing yesterday except for words which get added during editing. I have plans and everything, it's just hard and always happens. But after a few days you start something else!
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Date: 2019-11-10 02:22 pm (UTC)Solidarity fistbump, bb. That's where I was with Ghost Story recently and it suuuuuuucks. Bang out those scenes, bb! You know what they say about going through hell... =D
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Date: 2019-11-10 04:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-10 05:52 pm (UTC)Am I too old to get hedgehog pens from my auntie for no reason?
NEVER.
Anxiety is rough regardless of whether it's rooted in things that are good overall. *sympathies* Good luck with it all! I have faith in you!
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Date: 2019-11-10 06:18 pm (UTC)This is a good point and I have some cousins to contact. No nieces or nephews yet, but there's plenty of time.
Ooh, right, you live in the Frigid Northern Wastes. It has snowed here, a bit, but none of it sticks this early in the season. I'm still getting away with leather and denim over sweaters more often than not, and will continue to milk the layering thing for all it's worth, throughout the whole winter, any time it's above freezing. But my house is drafty as hell so it will still be hiding-under-blankets season until like March.
Aw, hugs! And a blanket and tea. Perhaps thinking of your track record might work? You already wrote a longfic and didn't disappoint people – of course you can stick the landing on this one as well.
This is...yeah, I needed this. Thanks. Evidence-based reassurance is the hardest to argue with. <3
Remote hard drive reading is a terrifying power. Terrifying.
Just add a goose for extra conflict. *g*
I feel like you might have some kind of hidden agenda here, but at the same time....z-zombie goose?
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Date: 2019-11-10 06:37 pm (UTC)I know both those anxieties very well and constantly wrestle with them. I can only say that I'm really sure all of us will love whatever you write, because evidence shows that we love your writing!
Phew. I mean, it's unfortunate that you also have those anxieties, but it seems to be a normal thing and both of us are still writing (and you're hella prolific) so it's probably gonna be fine. And. Yeah. There is evidence. Thanks. <3
I don't remember exactly what I did after writing the end of my last longfic. I think I started on the silly, fluffy spin-off one-shot pretty promptly, which bodes well for the list of short fluff and crack ideas I've got sitting around. Also, eeeee you finished Goblin Fruit I'M SCARED but like in a good way. Also congrats! You deserve a couple of days off, if you can hold back that long. :P
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Date: 2019-11-10 06:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-10 06:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-10 06:45 pm (UTC)<3!
Anxiety is rough regardless of whether it's rooted in things that are good overall. *sympathies* Good luck with it all! I have faith in you!
That's true. I just can't let myself dwell on it too much. Thank youuu!
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Date: 2019-11-10 06:54 pm (UTC)Yeah I am pleased/scared to have finished Goblin Fruit! I mean, I only really had the epilogue left to write when I started posting -- I don't like posting until I have that sort of security. Epilogues always take me ages, though. (It's 36k all together, woo!)
My electric blanket is GREAT. Also it does each half of the bed separately, with a separate controller each side, so I have my side really warm and my wife has her side switched off. She likes being cold or something odd like that.
Btw this is not to make you worry about your schedule being off or anything but I just want to assure you (again) that I love All-Consuming SO MUCH and am always desperately excited for updates! aaaaaa it's SO GOOD.
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Date: 2019-11-10 07:16 pm (UTC)Oh my god of course you did. I am going to eat up those Jiajia fics too, yayy. I think I've totally flaked out on commenting on those (sorry), but I love them and they're super adorable.
I mean, I only really had the epilogue left to write when I started posting -- I don't like posting until I have that sort of security.
In what world would I ever exhibit this kind of restraint? But anyway, 36k oh my gosh, SO EXCITING. You keep feeding us the good stuff.
You've got me convinced I need to buy an electric blanket, forthwith. Fortunately, I generally only have to share it with my cat, who is going to appreciate any additional heat. Cold bed by choice??? Your wife is WILD.
Btw this is not to make you worry about your schedule being off or anything but I just want to assure you (again) that I love All-Consuming SO MUCH and am always desperately excited for updates! aaaaaa it's SO GOOD.
Don't worry, the pressure is coming from inside the house -- I pretty much always photosynthesize external positivity into confidence/motivation. (Hence the lack of restraint re: posting for comments.) THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU'RE THE BEST and I'm really glad it suits your interests and yeah <3
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Date: 2019-11-10 07:37 pm (UTC)Plenty of time for you to start 'em young!
I think this is the snow that sticks, but let's see. Climate change has hit us harder, and it was sleeting today, so it'll either freeze over into an annoying cake of ice or melt off completely.
Zombie goose! \o/ The honk agenda approves.
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Date: 2019-11-10 08:04 pm (UTC)My big bro is such an enabler he won't even mind. I almost feel a bit sorry for my sister-in-law.
it'll either freeze over into an annoying cake of ice or melt off completely.
Oh, ew. Ice is the worst thing. Snow can be nice, sometimes, but I prefer the cold mud we get in between freezes to actual ice. ...Sorry 'bout your climate. D:
Zombie goose! \o/ The honk agenda approves.
I was right before, you ARE a bad influence. <3
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Date: 2019-11-10 08:32 pm (UTC)Ice is quite nice, actually – it's so much more convenient for me to travel when the lake has frozen over and I can take a shortcut over it. The only bad bit is summer, when it's too hot to do anything (thanks, global warming!) and too bright to sleep.
Have I ever pretended to be anything but? :P Be your worst self with zombie geese!
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Date: 2019-11-10 08:51 pm (UTC)Be your worst self with zombie geese!
I have a growing list of nonsense plot bunnies that I'll probably resort to post-longfic. Zombie geese is tentatively going on the list. I have an idea, heaven help me.
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Date: 2019-11-10 08:56 pm (UTC)The true grossness only started recently (like, past 5 years?) with the 30°C summer temperatures. (The Finnish summer is meant to be ~18°C and full of drizzle.) The long days suck, but OTOH the long nights of winter are wonderful. Now, if only it were less cloudy here with a chance of aurorae...
\o/ Success!
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Date: 2019-11-10 09:03 pm (UTC)Now, if only it were less cloudy here with a chance of aurorae...
Eeee, that sounds lovely!
\o/ Success!
XP
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Date: 2019-11-11 07:22 pm (UTC)IIRC 2014 was still tolerable; it only started going to shit properly after that, and the last two-three years have been the worst. Summer's also been sort of shifting backwards, so it encroaches on autumn's territory.
I am also entirely justifidely bitter at the fact that we've been getting cloudier. That time Greece saw aurorae? Finland was covered in a thick layer of cloud. Grumble.
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Date: 2019-11-11 08:12 pm (UTC)This is absolutely happening here as well. Or summer is just expanding and possibly winter too? It feels like we have way more weather extremes, although I shouldn't complain so much, really -- this autumn has been quite long and nice compared to the last several years. Except a severe windstorm took down all the leaves around Halloween. (Weeks early.) But today's actually warm, so.
That time Greece saw aurorae? Finland was covered in a thick layer of cloud. Grumble.
That is awful and unfair and the grumbling is a bit cute though. Pretty sure Greece and Pennsylvania are at similar latitudes, so that is...very south. We've had a few occasions where the meteorologists freaked out because we might be able to see aurorae here, but it's never worked out, or it's been cloudy.
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Date: 2019-11-11 08:20 pm (UTC)Summer's expanding, but mostly from the back end, I'd say. Winter is shrinking/becoming a pile of slush here. I just want the seasons of my childhood back, when days of 25°C were rare and slush was a thing of spring. :(
It doesn't quite work like that for aurorae, as the North magnetic pole is biased towards Canada; Greece is roughly equivalent to North Mexico. I have also decided that if I move, I want to go to Canada or some other place where one can actually see aurorae.
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Date: 2019-11-11 08:35 pm (UTC)Aww. Winter's always been a pile of slush here, but I feel you. I wish we still had spring, and it didn't just go from 35°F to 75°F in the space of like a week. BACK IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS etc etc my memory is probably super biased
It doesn't quite work like that for aurorae, as the North magnetic pole is biased towards Canada; Greece is roughly equivalent to North Mexico.
And I've still never seen aurorae? :( Now I'm feeling cheated! booo. I approve of moving to Canada, though. Moose are terrifying, but apart from that, I'm a fan.
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Date: 2019-11-11 08:54 pm (UTC)(The time in March when there's snow on the ground but the Sun is high enough that it's t-shirt weather when it's sunny is pretty nice, though.)
That is a terrible state to be in! I checked and Pennsylvania is just outside of Kp=7, so you're equivalent to, like, Ireland and Northern Germany and Belarus. (NA, E&A) I suggest blaming clouds. Though the Sun's also been slacking off recently.
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Date: 2019-11-11 09:11 pm (UTC)And yes, these are good anxieties to have, but the stress is still real!
I can guarantee that whatever you come up with, if it's something you like, I will like it too. Because I love your brain with its plotty ways and delicious slow-burn and ALL the feels, and if you wrap your story up so you're satisfied yourself I know I will have the BEST time reading it. ♥
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Date: 2019-11-11 09:24 pm (UTC)I suggest blaming clouds. Though the Sun's also been slacking off recently.
Aren't we around the bottom of the solar cycle right now? And this past cycle wasn't very active even at the peak. Low solar activity = not good for aurorae, right? Clouds really, really don't help though, obviously. [Young Woman Yells At Cloud] [also thank you for doing research for me, I know things now <3]
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Date: 2019-11-11 10:15 pm (UTC)This whole comment is very warming also and I may be having some kind of emotions, you are too kind to meeee. I had an ending for this fic before I even had a beginning, it's just some of the late-middleses that I've yet to work through. So. Yes. Hhhh. I can't wait to share the rest with you and everyone. Once I've worked all of it out myself.
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Date: 2019-11-12 12:00 pm (UTC)Spring: your favorite day of the year, eh? :P (That's a joke hereabouts.) Blooming is nice, though the tree jizz is annoying when it gets everywhere and covers everything in a yellowish goo when it rains. And never be upset over flailing! Enthusiasm is nice!
Yup, yup, and yup. Hopefully there'll be more activity at the next maximum. (Or I could move to Kilpisjärvi, I guess?) Definitely going to join you in the shaking fists at clouds.
<3 right back at you! Research is lovely.
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Date: 2019-11-12 10:34 pm (UTC)Ahaaa yeah. Adding that one to my repertoire of droll small talk. The tree jizz (pfft) is not ideal on the car windshield, but it's better than scraping off ice so by that point I'm not complaining.
And never be upset over flailing! Enthusiasm is nice!
I was once publicly mocked by an authority figure for getting excited about snow and I'm still recovering. :|
Me googling Kilpisjärvi: "Oh, it's even smaller than my town."
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Date: 2019-11-13 10:37 am (UTC)What a horrible authority figure! >:( Enthusiasm is the best and should not be quashed. Boo.
Finland is full of small places which are also dying due to urbanization. I am a sensorily oversensitive child of the forests, so I dislike the trend of jobs and such only being available in the capital. I have managed to find a Podunk which fits my needs well enough, but in my heart of hearts I hate the very concept of neighbors.
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Date: 2019-11-13 07:24 pm (UTC)Ewww, yeah, I have never experienced that kind of goop.
Enthusiasm is the best and should not be quashed. Boo.
thanks <3
That entire last paragraph...s a m e. Okay, not the forests part, I'm from farmland, but all the rest. The slow economic death of rural areas is a personal problem for me. As it is, it would've been really hard for me to get a job and a house here if I didn't have a convenient family situation (which may not last), and I still want to move further away from town because I don't like hearing cars. Blegh.
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Date: 2019-11-13 09:42 pm (UTC)Yeah, it's... I currently live in an apartment, which is madly stressful because strangers slamming their doors at night. And with urbanization plus car-discouragement due to climate change stuff, I honestly expect I'll be forced to live in cities forever, or have to choose a different career, which makes me sad. (And even all the alternative careers inevitably drift to the cities. Bleh.) Even when I'm sure that all the sensory stimuli have worsened my mental health. Yay. At least this place has decent sound insulation.
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Date: 2019-11-13 10:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-14 07:17 pm (UTC)Oof, yeah. I find my will to live disappears at the half hour mark. (Though I heard once of a couple originally from Lapland where the wife found a job on one side of Finland, the husband on the other, and they lived in the center. She thought a two-hour drive was all fine and dandy and quite short on balance.)
Going out into public spaces is so much more of a barrier than going out into the private garden from which no neighbors can be seen, yes. The great outdoors is good for you, but all the outdoors nearby involve walking past people.
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Date: 2019-11-14 09:34 pm (UTC)...Damn. That's a LOT. I somewhat enjoy a long drive, but only because I'm not required to do it often. For a few years, my mother had a 2-hour-ish commute every day, but it was by rail, so she could sleep through it (a cheat that only works if you're going between a city and another city.)
Yep, that was my problem. Tremendously unhelpful to the mental health situation. And also the exercise situation, which just compounds things. Urgh.
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Date: 2019-11-15 12:38 pm (UTC)*eyes science career in not reality warping* Well... If I see one, I'll let you know!
Long drives are occasionally okay, but even then at the 3h mark it becomes an annoyance. And commutes are much more enjoyable if one can sleep, it is true. Or if once can walk/cycle on a scenic route!
Yup. I just want to live in a scenic location in the forest with fast internet and zero neighbors and chill outdoors occasionally! Or at the very least at the edge of an unpopular trail into a forest. Sigh.
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Date: 2019-11-15 08:54 pm (UTC)THAT'S THE DREAM. Yeah, I'd take the second option too, but that first one is a powerfully seductive image. I've contemplated full-on running away to the woods before, but I'm trapped in civilization by internet access.
(I'm trying to mostly avoid the current drama, but you can always honk into my PMs/email/whatever if you would like a sympathetic ear. I don't agree with you on everything, but I care about you and the last 24 hours have been...um...rough. <3)
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Date: 2019-11-16 02:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-16 02:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-16 07:43 am (UTC)You make a valid point! Hmm, relativistic rockets would make the commute short for you but not the rest of the universe. Back to the drawing board...
(I'm reminded of that Greg Egan? story where space travel happened via sending person-templates over the void at c, and there was one planet where all the residents went on "slowdown" when one person had to skip time via space travel to a nearby planet and back. Everyone altered their sensation of the passage of time so they'd experience the same subjective time onplanet as the traveler.)
I USED to live in almost-the-woods with super fast internet access as a young penguin, but then other people bought plots next to us and built houses and now my parents have neighbors, boo. It was the dream for a while.
Avoiding drama is a good call. Wading into the shit will only stir it up and make the mudpile grow. Let's hope it's over soon and everyone can go back to wanking about whether Shen Wei is best characterized as the hero or the heroine of a bodice ripper or whatever.
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Date: 2019-11-16 04:44 pm (UTC)I USED to live in almost-the-woods with super fast internet access as a young penguin, but then other people bought plots next to us and built houses and now my parents have neighbors, boo. It was the dream for a while.
Ugh, your idyllic childhood! So jealous! I always had distant-but-visible neighbors (not enough trees), and we still had dial-up when I started internetting. I didn't discover fanfic till after we got DSL, fortunately.
Let's hope it's over soon and everyone can go back to wanking about whether Shen Wei is best characterized as the hero or the heroine of a bodice ripper or whatever.
Agree! I think Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan are both the heroine and they should rip each other's bodices. Fite me. :P
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Date: 2019-11-17 07:38 am (UTC)My idyllic childhood became less idyllic fairly rapidly, but it was a nice place to be (both of them - I moved as a kid). My parents had a good taste in houses. :P (Though I only discovered fanfic after the neighbors had arrived.)
They are complex characters whose defining traits and archetypes aren't from the Western bodice ripper genre so reducing- Yes. They're both the heroines and should rip off each other's bodices. And other items of clothing. I'm sure Shen Wei can dark energy them back together for another round of ripping!
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Date: 2019-11-18 12:05 am (UTC)actual real-life LOL. A valiant effort at disagreeing, but the truth cannot be denied! More ripping, more stripping, more fun. With interludes of mutual bosom-heaving (for maximum titillation)!
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Date: 2019-11-18 10:31 am (UTC)No problem! The "classics" are mostly readable, but a lot of them are very dated, so there's no pressing need to read them outside genre-historical curiosity. (Eg Ringworld is a classic, but sexist, so I'd give some other introduction to the Big Dumb Object subgenre.) And any genre is only exactly as serious business as you want it to be. After all, they were all set up by monkeys with delusions of grandeur! ;P (But seriously, feel free to hit me up for SF recs. I've read hard SF, milSF, and space opera, plus a bunch of the classics, so I can give at least some sort of rec breadth.)
Of course! Is it even a romance if there are no bosoms heaving? (...I'm now having flashbacks to the Blackadder episode where all the guys had obvious fake boobs hanging from their necks.) But yes, I bet Zhao Yunlan would absolutely love to rip off all of Professor Shen's layers to get at the skin beneath. Especially as the good prof seems to have wholeheartedly embraced buttcheek tailoring. And would no doubt love to return the favor.