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AO3versary!
Several things happened a year ago today! I picked a screenname, made my AO3 account, and uploaded my first work. Yes, all in one day. Clicking "post" was one of the most terrifying/exciting things I've done, ever, in my entire life. I'd been reading Guardian fic daily for months at that point, and I'd seen how nice people were in the comments, but it felt like everyone already knew each other, and also I'd also seen how stupefyingly talented everyone was. I was fully prepared to disavow the entire venture, abandon the account, and deny any connection for the rest of my life.
Aaand instead I posted 204k words in my first year on AO3. More than half of those are in a freakin' zombie novel, which. If I had made a list of possible things that I would do last year, I would not have hit upon that. I would have guessed "run for public office" and "develop a cocaine habit" ahead of that. That is still wild to me. Not just All-Consuming, but the whole 204k. Like. Did I do that? Really?
I only kept writing because of feedback. I didn't know if I would be able to write anything that anyone else would enjoy reading; I didn't have any data to suggest that I could. If you've given me some data, thank you. Like, it's not just that people have been nice to me -- people have been amazing to me, I feel super comfortable here, and I've made friends, which is in itself pretty astonishing -- but y'all have indicated to me that the things I've discovered I like making are also things that other actual humans want. What a happy coincidence! Also, kind of the meaning of life, I think?
Okay, I love everyone here, I love this fandom, etc., enough of that. News I haven't posted, because I'm real bad at social media-ing:
-I finished The Untamed...um, two months ago or something. I enjoyed it, but I didn't connect all that strongly to the cast of characters as a group, and I don't ship anything enough to be motivated to write fic or even really read it. I've read a little femslash, but. Turns out Guardian owns my soul, which is kind of relief, tbh.
-Relatedly, I've never mentioned I watched HIStory3: Trapped way back when it aired. It feels weird saying it was too tropey for me when, dude, Guardian, but I think it was because the setting wasn't SF/F? I dunno. I adore Meng Shaofei, though.
-There are Russian translations of Flesh from Bone, Soul from Flesh and its cracky coda. The same translator is posting All-Consuming as a WIP right now. I can't read a word of Russian, but I am astounded at the amount of time they have put, and are putting, into my work. ❤
-I feel like I'm seeing a bunch of bingereaders come through in my kudos emails. New Guardian fans? Lockdown readers? Or maybe it's just me. Regardless, I love seeing people devour what I've written. I'm curious if anyone else has noticed the same thing, though.
-For all kinds of reasons, my writing pace approached zero for a couple of months earlier this year. I clawed my way back to the kind of pace I need to keep my head in a WIP, but it was still harder than it had been in 2019, and I have reason to think that it's going to get harder yet in a couple of weeks. That was kind of sitting at the back of my head, stressing me out, so about a week ago I decided: new rule. 100 words per day, every single day. This turned out to be exactly what I needed. I've written more than 100 words every day so far, but the point is that the bar is so low that I can reach it really quickly, so "I don't have time to write today, it'll be better tomorrow" is not an excuse that is happening anymore. And it's enough to keep my mind processing questions and problems, so I don't have that inertia of not having written in three days and not remembering what I was doing or what I needed to do next. Plus, I just feel better. So. It's what I need to be doing now, and when it's no longer what I need, I will stop. But sylleblahsome has joined me for the moment, and we're both feeling pretty upbeat about making steady progress.
EDIT: Free space to gripe about Trapped and/or The Untamed below! If you want to complain, or share what you did and didn't like, please have at. If negativity will bum you out, please don't scroll. <3
Aaand instead I posted 204k words in my first year on AO3. More than half of those are in a freakin' zombie novel, which. If I had made a list of possible things that I would do last year, I would not have hit upon that. I would have guessed "run for public office" and "develop a cocaine habit" ahead of that. That is still wild to me. Not just All-Consuming, but the whole 204k. Like. Did I do that? Really?
I only kept writing because of feedback. I didn't know if I would be able to write anything that anyone else would enjoy reading; I didn't have any data to suggest that I could. If you've given me some data, thank you. Like, it's not just that people have been nice to me -- people have been amazing to me, I feel super comfortable here, and I've made friends, which is in itself pretty astonishing -- but y'all have indicated to me that the things I've discovered I like making are also things that other actual humans want. What a happy coincidence! Also, kind of the meaning of life, I think?
Okay, I love everyone here, I love this fandom, etc., enough of that. News I haven't posted, because I'm real bad at social media-ing:
-I finished The Untamed...um, two months ago or something. I enjoyed it, but I didn't connect all that strongly to the cast of characters as a group, and I don't ship anything enough to be motivated to write fic or even really read it. I've read a little femslash, but. Turns out Guardian owns my soul, which is kind of relief, tbh.
-Relatedly, I've never mentioned I watched HIStory3: Trapped way back when it aired. It feels weird saying it was too tropey for me when, dude, Guardian, but I think it was because the setting wasn't SF/F? I dunno. I adore Meng Shaofei, though.
-There are Russian translations of Flesh from Bone, Soul from Flesh and its cracky coda. The same translator is posting All-Consuming as a WIP right now. I can't read a word of Russian, but I am astounded at the amount of time they have put, and are putting, into my work. ❤
-I feel like I'm seeing a bunch of bingereaders come through in my kudos emails. New Guardian fans? Lockdown readers? Or maybe it's just me. Regardless, I love seeing people devour what I've written. I'm curious if anyone else has noticed the same thing, though.
-For all kinds of reasons, my writing pace approached zero for a couple of months earlier this year. I clawed my way back to the kind of pace I need to keep my head in a WIP, but it was still harder than it had been in 2019, and I have reason to think that it's going to get harder yet in a couple of weeks. That was kind of sitting at the back of my head, stressing me out, so about a week ago I decided: new rule. 100 words per day, every single day. This turned out to be exactly what I needed. I've written more than 100 words every day so far, but the point is that the bar is so low that I can reach it really quickly, so "I don't have time to write today, it'll be better tomorrow" is not an excuse that is happening anymore. And it's enough to keep my mind processing questions and problems, so I don't have that inertia of not having written in three days and not remembering what I was doing or what I needed to do next. Plus, I just feel better. So. It's what I need to be doing now, and when it's no longer what I need, I will stop. But sylleblahsome has joined me for the moment, and we're both feeling pretty upbeat about making steady progress.
EDIT: Free space to gripe about Trapped and/or The Untamed below! If you want to complain, or share what you did and didn't like, please have at. If negativity will bum you out, please don't scroll. <3
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Turns out Guardian owns my soul
Seriously what is it about this canon/fandom, there's something more than natural. I still think it should have a warning label. Beware, you will never be the same.
100 words per day, every single day
Trying to live up to this! I am getting stuck on the goddamn plot; if I know what's supposed to happen I can write it, but I don't. Even so, it should get done. Best wishes for your continued steady progress!
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Aw, thanks! :3
YESSS. I mean, the only thing forewarning would have changed for me is I probably would have delurked earlier, lol, but one really does give oneself over to the compelling force of Guardian irrevocably.
Agh, your writing situation sounds super frustrating! Hope you can plot (or brute-force write?) your way out of the sticking point soon. I managed to squeeze in 300 words tonight, so still chugging along, even after I spent time writing this post, hah. So far, so good.
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You are not the only one who didn't strongly connect with the other fandoms you mention. I watched Untamed and I was inspired enough to write exactly one one-shot story (and read a few...there are a. lot. and some of them do hit some of my kinks) but I'm with you in that it really doesn't own my soul the way Guardian does. I wrote 25k of my current Guardian WIP in April, and 7k for my Exchange fic, so Guardian is definitely winning!
Trapped...I had a hard time getting into it, tbh. I did finish it eventually, but. Okay, I haven't criticized the show because so many of my friends love it, and I don't like to piss on things people enjoy. But it bugged me that the characters were cops/mafia members that acted like high schoolers. ^_^; I get that it was supposed to read like fanfic, but it just didn't work for me. So you're not alone!
Great job on the 100 words per day! *cheers you on*
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This post is a safe space for complaining about Trapped, haha. I don't want to squeeharsh either, but it's comforting to know I'm not alone in my meh. I absolutely hear what you're saying - I was excited for Trapped because it was a BL drama about actual adults, rather than students, but then lots of the show felt straight out of a high school drama. I was also bored by both the central plot and Tang Yi by the end, iirc. :/ Totally just my subjective experience, of course.
Hee, thanks! Just gotta keep chipping away.
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It' so nice to know I'm not the only one who felt that way about Trapped. ^_^; Also, *looks around* If there's a competency kink, Meng Shaofei hit the anti-competency anti-kink for me, particularly in the first few episodes. THERE I SAID IT. *breathes a sigh of relief* Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.
Selfishly, I'm glad to know that you, like me, are still invested in Guardian. I can't wait to see what else you write!
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Ahaha I'm very glad to provide a space for this <3 That's totally understandable. Meng Shaofei was a goddamn mess for the first few episodes. I think I only really started to like him after he floored that homophobic dude? THAT was enjoyable for me, lol.
*throws Guardian love confetti* I'm super glad that you and your writing are still here too!
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It is a GOOD HILL built on TRUTH.
Selfishly, I'm glad to know that you, like me, are still invested in Guardian.
*g* I had the same reaction. And I genuinely love The Untamed, and know that a lot of people are actively and successfully multifannish! But I still selfishly hope Guardian will continue to be where my friends' hearts are for a good long while.
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Turns out Guardian owns my soul, which is kind of relief, tbh.
Ngl, I also breathed a huge sigh of relief when I read this bit. So many of my fav Guardian authors have long since being lost to The Untamed, and of course I accept that, but it's always nice to know someone else is willing to stay in this tiny sailboat with me instead of hopping on the luxury cruise ship, haha.
I never even started Trapped because neither of the main characters looked even remotely attractive to me, and I... Can't really watch BL if they're not at least a bit cute/pretty/handsome? Especially not live action. If it'd had a good plot I wouldn't have considered that for even a moment, of course, but it didn't sound like it did (does it?) so, yeah. (Okay, I just now admitted to being a lot shallower than I appear, didn't I? Yikes.)
Best of luck with your writing!
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Aww that's so kind! I'm definitely still learning to plot, but, well, if I thought I already knew everything about it, there would be no point in continuing to try, I guess.
Cruise liners are a hotbed for coronavirus, dontchaknow. :P The size of the CQL/MDZS fandom isn't exactly a point in its favor for me. (It also makes me selfishly sad that people have left Guardian fandom for The Untamed, though.)
Listen, man, my first reaction to Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan, paraphrased from my July 2018 notes, was "praise the heavens and sing hallelujah, they're BEAUTIFUL." Less straightforwardly gorgeous faces will grow on me if I love the characters, but I hear what you're saying. YMMV on the plot of Trapped; I wasn't that into it, but I do think my genre preferences weighed heavily into that. But it is not a plot-driven show. It is a fluffy, tropey romance with a plot. So if the romance doesn't interest you, for any reason, then you're fully justified in giving it a pass, I think.
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Oh, I hear ya on that! I was a bit sceptical going in because I hadn't heard many good things about the notorious "BL-to-bromance" c-dramas in general and Guardian in particular, but then I took one look at this series image and told my sister, "Forget the naysayers, we're watching it!" :D
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foreveras long as you like.no subject
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\o/ \o/ \o/
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I haven't gotten kudos notifications of someone binging more than two of my fics at a time. Sometimes I'll recognize a name from earlier in the week. It's pretty cool.
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Huh, maybe the perceived binge uptick is just confirmation bias. People coming back a few days later to read another fic is really flattering as well! I'm just happy when someone likes something I wrote enough to seek out more :D
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Same!
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I saw the Russian translation come by on the tag a few times, and wow, yes, dedication! \o/
It's great that you found a way to write that works for you! Go you!
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When Rimmaara came back to me asking if they could translate All-Consuming, I was like "...really? Are you sure? Of course yes, but...really?" I'm super impressed and delighted.
yay! Fingers crossed that it keeps working for at least a little while, haha.
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Congratulations on the AO3-versary! That's such an awesome milestone! All those wonderful, wonderful words. ♥ I can't even say how much joy they've given me over the past year.
I feel like I'm seeing a bunch of bingereaders come through in my kudos emails. New Guardian fans? Lockdown readers?
I've seen the same and it delights me to no end.
new rule. 100 words per day, every single day
Your posts continue to be the most relatable. I did this in April as part of Camp Nano, and writing every day really helped with the feeling of - chest-tightness struggle-sadness?
...and then Camp Nano month ended and I stopped tracking my words and I stopped writing every day and let me tell you: bad idea.
As for the shows - I am very fond of Trapped, but it's not something I seek out fic for. My wife fell super hard for the B pairing, so I have had this weird fandom by proxy happening? But even when they were writing lots of fic I just...didn't get into it? (My wife and I are both fans who write fic, but they're super into domestic fluff and such. Meanwhile I'm the type not to really get invested in anything where the characters don't at least suffer a little before they get to enjoy their comfort. It's always hilarious when we try to help each other plot. Them, writing a dog shelter AU and needing a meet cute: ...so the dog runs away and they chase after it maybe? Me: Oooh, and then one of them gets bitten by a snake! Them: WTF?? Me: ...they fall into a hole? Them: WHY?? Me: ...someone twists an ankle?)
Meanwhile I've had friends who have been into The Untamed since long before the live action aired and I've always had the strongest Not For Me vibes but it feels really rude to be sighing about how it's everywhere when people are having such a good time with it. But yeah. Not for me. (The novel, possibly? But I'm getting burned out on the censored M/M, no matter how much the actors involve smoulder at each other.)
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You've been super supportive to me and encouraged me to keep going, and I owe you a huge thank-you for that. So THANK YOU. <3
Oh good! I'm really glad this is an actual thing. New readers finding our fic! :D
Okay, "chest-tightness struggle-sadness" is the perfect description for the thing that keeps threatening to consume me. So, note to self: keep doing the write-every-day thing. I feel like my drafts are messier when there are parts that I wrote in very small chunks like that, but editing frustration is a less bad feeling than that other one, so...fine.
On the subject of our brains working similarly, I've suddenly realized that maybe it's not that Trapped is too tropey for me, but rather, the fluffy-tropes-to-suffering ratio is too high to hold my attention. I know you were talking about fic, but I think it somewhat reflects the source material in this case. I just need the pain, man.
i am dying. THEY FALL INTO A HOLE. (Spent an hour yesterday trying to think of additional ways to harm/imperil the characters in my current WIP, so, yeah. Yes.)
Yeah, I really do not want to rain on anyone's parade! And I do see the appeal -- more than you do, it sounds like -- but, to be honest, the main pairing doesn't really work for me, so...solidarity in being a bit bummed out by its popularity. The censorship (while objectively a terrible thing, of course) did nothing to hinder my enjoyment of Guardian, but The Untamed felt a lot less gay to me, probably for multiple reasons, so that didn't help. I haven't tried the novel yet, though.
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That's such a cheerful and encouraging thing to hear! Especially when I do the rounds after more than half a month has somehow passed. (Honestly though what is time??)
So, note to self: keep doing the write-every-day thing. I feel like my drafts are messier when there are parts that I wrote in very small chunks like that, but editing frustration is a less bad feeling than that other one, so...fine.
*pom-poms*
I totally get the messier draft feeling - especially when trying to start something new I ended up with some weird dead ends? But yes. Better than the alternative. I've decided to restart my streak in June (tomorrow?!?) which will hopefully help me finish this fic I started...April 20th... (I was "just writing the last scene" for two weeks and now I've let it languish for another two. Writing is hard.)
i am dying. THEY FALL INTO A HOLE.
I even had the excellent excuse of there used to be a lot of mining in California so there could be an abandoned mine shaft near the dog shelter. (And my ideas weren't all useless: the dog got snake bitten so the characters bonded over taking care of it.)
Spent an hour yesterday trying to think of additional ways to harm/imperil the characters in my current WIP, so, yeah. Yes.
Ahh, fun times! Were you successful?
I've suddenly realized that maybe it's not that Trapped is too tropey for me, but rather, the fluffy-tropes-to-suffering ratio is too high to hold my attention
I think for me it's definitely that (though there was a bit of angst and a couple of nice h/c scenarios) in combination with the fact that I'm Just Not That Into procedurals? Nobody had even a tiny hint of a supernatural powers! Not so much as a fake ghost in sight. And the closest thing they got to swords was Jack's switchblade... (I also didn't fall for the main couple - they're nice but I don't feel that much chemistry? Jack and Zhao Zi I did feel couldn't keep their hands off each other, but their story was like 100% pure meet-cute to husbands which makes me happy to see on TV but won't keep me in the fandom.)
more than you do, it sounds like
The problem with being around friends who are into a thing is that you will hear a lot about it, and that includes the venting? So I already know of multiple things that the story does that I tend to want to avoid, and like every single person live tweeting their watching experience has cursed the pacing and been assured it eventually gets better. And I watch things so excruciatingly slowly (it took me a month to watch Guardian and I was not in any way holding back) that it feels like I could be watching other things where I don't have to brace myself quite so much for [various spoilers]?
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I DON'T KNOW. Was it always like this? It couldn't have been. Right?
Writing is hard! I'm glad it's not just me -- I mean, of course it's not, but the specific right-now thing of wanting to be writing, having ideas, and knowing what I need to do, and STILL struggling to make it happen. I really hope your streak works too! *collective writing streak energy intensifies*
\o/ I'm so glad you could contribute sources of distress! Something bad has to happen sometime, after all.
I was successful in putting the sheets on the bed the wrong way because I was scheming too hard? The thing that I originally wanted to do seems like it's not going to fit the story structure (although I may yet make it happen, because the structure probably won't end up on the page the way it feels in my head (*pantses harder*)) but I do have a couple other ideas in mind now!
Regarding Trapped - yes, the genre was absolutely a hurdle for me too. I do like procedural-ish stuff, but it sort of has to have magic/sci-fi elements or at least outlandish crimes and wacky, quirky detectives. Cops vs gangsters isn't really my thing. I agree about the lack of chemistry between Tang Yi and Meng Shaofei, though I liked Meng Shaofei a lot more than Tang Yi so I think it was partly that for me, too. I found Tang Yi a bit boring. :/ I kept watching in large part for Jack and Zhao Zi. I wish they'd had more screentime! Still probably wouldn't have been fannish about them, though.
Ah, yes, I see how that could give you a lot of reasons not to watch. (I think I avoided some of that by not being on Twitter.) I watch stuff super slowly too, even slower now that I write, so I totally understand being picky. "I could be using this time for other things" is a very familiar feeling.