Textually frustrated! Again.

[ratbones]

Remember that thing about finishing All-Consuming before the holidays/my birthday/Yuletide story reveals? Or how I said I was "back" on that last post, two weeks ago? Uh. Lol.

I've had a busy, stressy week. This won't be news to a lot of you, but I don't handle interruptions of my routine well, especially if they involve lots of people, and especially especially if I'm expected to make conversation (out loud? With my mouth? I, a text-based organism?) and look happy about it. I can handle one day of pretending to like Christmas carols, but an entire month? Mercy. Please. This is presumably only going to get worse over the next 2.5 weeks. I'm finding all of the trappings of the holidays overstimulating and unfun, which is not new, but does seem to be getting worse as I get older and, depending on your point of view, more attentive to my own needs or just grumpier.

Consequently, my focus is all out of whack. I am still making fic progress, it's just slower, and I don't know exactly when I'll feel comfortable posting. The fic is almost done (which means...probably 3 chapters to go, knowing me) and I don't want to post anything that I'm not totally sure of, this close to the end of such a big undertaking. I am also behind on a bunch of other fandom stuff: comments here and on AO3, plus some responses to people.

This isn't just me feeling guilty, to be clear. Writing and this fandom have become really important to me, and I'm uncomfortable and impatient and sort of lonely when I get dragged away from them for too long. Which is only increasing the Grinchiness levels.

On the bright side, I should say, the reason I'm so agitated about getting back to All-Consuming and getting it right is that I'm very happy with this fic and excited about what I have planned for the ending. I know I've got it handled, I just need the time and mental energy to get there. So that's a good feeling.

Be patient with me till January. I do love seeing everyone so busy with exchanges! Gives me something to spectate while I'm all discombobulated.

Comments

[frith_in_thorns]

I'm sorry you're having a rough time! Routine changes are tough and all the CHRISTMAS!!! everywhere is very stressful. (I have three more days of term and then I'm going to live in a hermit blanket fort at my in-laws' house, they're used to me.)

Obviously I'm VERY keen to continue reading All-Consuming, but it's ok, take your time! That said, I never take this advice, you've seen me stressing about the exact same things. I totally get wanting to prioritise writing and fandom and finding it really hard when other stuff like life and tiredness and stress gets in the way.

[ratbones]

Yeah, I hate to be a bummer when everyone else is having fun, but it's just overwhelming. I'm sure you get plenty of CHRISTMAS!!! with all those kiddos! Glad you can escape to a blanket fort and tolerant people. :P

Honestly, it's rather adorable how we give each other the same very good advice that neither of us knows how to take, lol. It's an unfortunate situation, I wish it didn't feel so stressy or that life would just get out of the way of writing !please! but at least we (a bunch of us in this fandom, I think) understand it. <3

[kimboo_york]

I'll be brutally honest: I have not been reading your fic (or, for the most part, anyone's!) b/c of trying to hit deadlines on fic exchanges myself. So I'm sorry I haven't been more supportive! But I love the story and am looking forward to diving back into it. Please don't feel pressured or guilty, I'm sure we all understand that kind of life stress affecting our ability to create. Self care is a thing! An important thing!!! ♥

[ratbones]

Oh, that's fine! When you said "brutally honest" I was expecting much worse, haha. I certainly don't expect everyone to read my fic at all, let alone keep up with the WIP as it posts. All the writers around here work hard, and I guess most of us can't always keep up with everything we'd like to be doing - which is reassuring, if anything. This support right now is very much appreciated. <3

[naye]

I'm happy and excited that I have two chapters of All-Consuming to read right now this moment, and the fact that you're looking forward to writing the rest is making me even moreso! \o/

I, a text-based organism?
...I have never identified with a description more. I may start using it. Too accurate.

I was in the final throws of finishing Kaleidoscope last December and the holidays threw all the spanners in my writing works so I feel you!

[ratbones]

I'm excited that you're excited! I think they're good. Er, I think what I've posted is good; I'll think each chapter sucks about an hour before I post it, but that's just what writerbrain do. Oh and I have the first two chapters of Carte Blanche to read as well! it looks very enticing.

...I have never identified with a description more. I may start using it. Too accurate.
By all means. I'm glad I'm not the only one of my kind :D

I was in the final throws of finishing Kaleidoscope last December and the holidays threw all the spanners in my writing works so I feel you!
oof. The Decemberness can be very disruptive. But hey, you got through, and I suppose I will too.

[umadoshi]

I'm sorry things are stressful and overwhelming! *hugs* Take care of yourself as much as you can.

I know I've got it handled, I just need the time and mental energy to get there. So that's a good feeling.

That is awesome. *^^*

[ratbones]

Thanks! I'm trying to look after myself. (And get to bed on time. A little extra sleep always helps.)

That is awesome. *^^*
It is pretty great. *sparkles*

[winter_blossom]

I'll admit that I have no idea what Christmas stress is like because it's not a huge holiday where I live (our Christian population's pretty small and I'm not one myself), but every December at least a couple of my online friends make posts re: the whole thing being a real hassle to deal with same as you, so, you have my sympathies? Or whatever is the most appropriate supportive comment in this kind of situation? (This is probably the opposite of encouraging, sorry ^^)

That said: wow, All-Consuming is almost done? I'll probably be able to start reading it properly again from the beginning as an end-of-exams treat in February, then! *Cheers* Good luck on the home stretch!

[ratbones]

Naw, I appreciate that you're being supportive despite not being able to relate! I'm not Christian anymore, but honestly, the churchy bit of Christmas is the one part I sort of like. It tends to be solemn and cozy, whereas all the "secular" traditions that are inescapable here are loud and expensive and just forcibly cheerful. probably shouldn't let the christmas-haters overly color your views of american holidays, though, lol. ignore me.

Unless I've made some kind of huge miscalculation or I have an actual emergency in January, All-Consuming should be done by February, so that should be a good time to hop back in! Thanks for the well-wishes <3

[clevermanka]

Hurray for being happy with your fic and excited about the ending! Hope you find a way to settle yourself during this hellish time of year.

[ratbones]

Just gotta muddle through December, I guess. It is really nice to be excited about what I'm writing!

[rlyqueer]

Ahh the holiday stress! Wish we could just chase it away with a broom. Best of luck making it through and doing what you can to take care of you!

It's definitely frustrating when that sort of thing gets in the way of what you love, but I think it's awesome that you know where you want the fic to go — you can get it there, and you're allowed to take your time doing so! Also, people totally understand getting busy and stressy. I know I can relate!

I hope things smooth out for you soon!

[ratbones]

Yeeeeah holiday stress is no joke. I'm really glad people are so understanding about this because it trips me up bad; I'm just so eager to write (and read everyone's stuff) and then there are events or tiredness in the way and ugh. But it's temporary! Just wish it was temporarier. :P

Thanks for the sympathy/reassurance/well-wishes! Hope December is treating you well. <3

[rlyqueer]

Oh for sure, a fast forward button would be so nice sometimes lolol. But it's all about gettin through! Things will turn around soon enough.

And thank you! I'm definitely hangin in there with ya. <3

[extrapenguin]

*hugs* Fingers crossed for peace and quiet! The December holiday season really is something. All those interruptions...

if I'm expected to make conversation (out loud? With my mouth? I, a text-based organism?)
:D I'm sorry, but this is also a hilarious turn of phrase.

Re: preferences changing as we get older, I've noticed that too – sometimes it feels like my social skills and sensory oversentitivities are correlated. The better I become at faking eye contact, the more I'm incapable of dealing with air conditioning! *g* I suspect it's due to me moving from the countryside to a city, and also stuff like having to dedicate brainpower to more and more adult responsibilities, so my brain is too stressed to deal with noises.

[ratbones]

Aww thanks. The interruptions are pretty rough, but I had a spell of calm today, so that's nice.

I'm sorry, but this is also a hilarious turn of phrase.
It's one of my better wordses and I'm glad you're enjoying it. :p

sometimes it feels like my social skills and sensory oversentitivities are correlated. The better I become at faking eye contact, the more I'm incapable of dealing with air conditioning!
This sounds familiar! I only have so much energy and so much attention to go around, and social competence takes more out of me than most people, as does tuning out sensory input. Add adult responsibilities (and fun "responsibilities", i.e. fandom/writing) and at a certain point, something's gotta give. I've also bailed on events that are just too much/too noisy -- better to be a "party pooper" than to get overwhelmed and shout at someone or start crying or something. >.>

[tinny]

I hope you'll get through all the family/other company extroverted obligations over the holidays. <3

[ratbones]

Thanks! It's a bit exhausting, but I'm muddling my way through.