Generalized Everything Update

[ratbones]

-I wrote a fic in July that I'm not posting, so that was an interesting thing. I don't feel like I failed in the writing, exactly, more like I embarked on an endeavor I should've known was doomed, but I'm kind of proud of myself for sticking it out and finishing something bad. Now I know what that looks like.

-Yes there's a new project now but don't tell anyone I told you.

-I keep meaning to talk about my meditation practice as it pertains to writing, but I'm at such risk of sounding like a fucking youtuber. I will just say that after the failed endeavor I took 10 days off trying to write to do a meditation course and ended up not using all 10 days, because I just had to get some ideas down by day 8. (I finished the course but I cut the writing vacation short.) Being too well-trained to mindfulness has been an unwanted interruption to idea-generation mind-wandering in the past, but it's a totally necessary interruption to being scattered and stuck in a rut and trying to do too much at once. You gotta open the doorway between the world and your heart, maaaaan.

-Pretty sure UPS just drove right past my house on Friday without attempting to deliver my package to me. Cool. That's a new tea set, my guy, I need that. For tea. It's important.

-cyberbrain has descended into the Ace Attorney rabbit hole, luring me into a replay of the games. Ace Attorney is my longest-running fandom, if I'm allowed to count 15ish years of on-and-off lurking, and I'm back to lurking there a bit. I think I'd started to take Guardian's fandom for granted, which is not to say that Ace Attorney's fandom is bad in any way, just that it's less suited to me, e.g. it's harder for me to find fic I want to read -- whereas the Guardian tag is like, 50% or more fic I want to read. Which is a ridiculous standard that nothing should ever be measured against.

-Also because of cyberbrain, I watched a 2018 Japanese drama called dele. It's got a central "bromance" which I felt was a tad light on bromantic tension, but the characters are great and the cases-of-the-week are brilliantly written, often painful, and usually in some way hopeful. One of the main guys is a wheelchair user and I was really impressed by the writing and acting around his disability. It's pretty inconsequential to his personality and storyline, and he can do some very cool shit with his wheelchair. Anyway, recommended. 8 episodes total.

-I'm only on episode 8 of my Guardian rewatch. Which isn't because it's going badly. It's going great. I finally have the HD screenshots I need...from the first 8 episodes. Lots of stuff to say about episode 8, most of which I think has already been said better by others, but my favorite little moments in the whole Zhao Yunlan tummyache sequence are 1. Shen Wei snatching Zhao Yunlan's medicine back when Zhao Yunlan says he'll swallow the pill dry and 2. Shen Wei smoothing out Zhao Yunlan's unwrinklable casual clothes after folding them. This man is distraught and angry over Zhao Yunlan's utter failure to care for himself and the only way to soothe it is with excessively fussy caretaking and I love him. I also love Zhao Yunlan curling up in a tighter ball of pain and sads when Shen Wei scolds him. Dumb baby. <3 Not to neglect the books scene, which I know makes some people cringe but look, it's Shameless Zhao Yunlan, he thought he was gonna win Shen Wei over by running a scam, he needed this. But poor Shen Wei. This episode is made of evidence that he should question his taste in men, not that there's any hope left for him now. At least he gets to embarrass the shit out of Zhao Yunlan for it, and the shutdown only makes Zhao Yunlan more thirsty, if anything. Gotta get new tactics there, bud. I hope it's obvious by now that I pick on Zhao Yunlan because I adore him. Oh of course this is the longest point on the list. I guess I'll leave it there for now.

Comments

[trobadora]

I totally understand not wanting to post something you feel is bad, but a) yay for finishing it anyway! and b) I'm really curious about it now. (And what makes it bad in your eyes.) Absolutely no obligation to explain, of course! *hugs*

Also, 15 years of on-and-off lurking totally count! Old fandoms that never really go away are the best.

Shen Wei snatching Zhao Yunlan's medicine back when Zhao Yunlan says he'll swallow the pill dry

RIGHT?????

This man is distraught and angry over Zhao Yunlan's utter failure to care for himself and the only way to soothe it is with excessively fussy caretaking and I love him.

I love that so much about him too! God, I love them both SO MUCH.

[marycrawford]

Aw, I'm impressed you finished the story that was such a tsuris, even if we don't get to see it -- I wonder if after some time you might find things to salvage in it? My own sense of whether a story sucks or not tends to be badly calibrated, particularly after just finishing it, so I wonder.

I would love to hear more about your meditation course since it seems to have helped out a lot with writing, and easily distracted/low energy is my issue right now. I promise I won't think you are a Youtuber, even if the kind of Youtubers I watch are sedate middle-aged people who talk about watercolor a lot. XD

Earlier, I wrote a recap of the 'SW deals with ZYL's disaster apartment' scene for sid_guardian, with a lot of self-indulgent screencaps, because I live for this kind of character dynamic and also they both look so good.

This man is distraught and angry over Zhao Yunlan's utter failure to care for himself and the only way to soothe it is with excessively fussy caretaking and I love him. I also love Zhao Yunlan curling up in a tighter ball of pain and sads when Shen Wei scolds him. Dumb baby.

SIGH, you said it, all these things are Very True. I love them both so much, and 'excessively fussy caretaking' is so accurate that it makes me cackle. Daaww.

[naye]

...10 day meditation course you say? That's probably a lot more hardcore than I can handle, but on the other hand it sounds good! (Yes I've just started meditation this year and it's so helpful and yet I keep not doing it because ~fear of failure~. Anyway it's something I want to learn properly.) Also I would be interested in your thoughts on meditation + writing!

[momijizukamori]

1) that sure sounds like UPS alright :[ hopefully it shows up in the next few days

2) I look forward to whatever you're working on next

3) I have been rewatching Guardian as I force my best friend to watch it with me, and knowing everything that happens means I get to just sit and appreciate all of Shen Wei's micro-expressions even more, honestly.

[cyberbrain]

*cheering for your writing*

I, too, am interested in the meditation course (and, fwiw, I don't think sounding like a youtuber is a bad thing lol). Was that a class you attended?

it's harder for me to find fic I want to read
Yeah, same. I've looked through a lot of the tag *sigh* y'know, this is kinda why I want to get to writing again, so I'll have the content I crave.

[elenothar]

I'm very impressed that you managed to finish writing a fic that you think is bad - that's a lot of staying power. Also, my own sense of whether what I'm writing is good or bad is abysmal and changes with my mood, the weather and any number of other external factors, which means I mostly rely on beta readers who I know will be straight with me.

This man is distraught and angry over Zhao Yunlan's utter failure to care for himself and the only way to soothe it is with excessively fussy caretaking and I love him.

☝ Episode 8 is possibly my favourite episode of the whole show and I catch Feelings every time I watch it, to the point of forgetting to actually pay attention (oops).

[clevermanka]

This hit me like a brick: Being too well-trained to mindfulness has been an unwanted interruption to idea-generation mind-wandering in the past. And I would read anything you have to say about the meditation class. I had a consistent meditation practice for years but haven't been able to do it lately. Well, I can, but I often wind up crying and I just don't have the stamina for the resulting headache every day. THAT SAID I am very interested in hearing about your experience, especially as it affected your writing, if you choose to share.

[tinny]

I don't feel like I failed in the writing, exactly, more like I embarked on an endeavor I should've known was doomed, but I'm kind of proud of myself for sticking it out and finishing something bad. Now I know what that looks like.

<3 It's a good thing? I am all for sticking things out, and I have some failed attempts in my 'portfolio'. :D You always learn something from them, from the process, and maybe you also like the result, even if posting them is not an option. <3

the Guardian tag is like, 50% or more fic I want to read.

That is indeed something special and Guardian-specific. I've never seen that in any other fandom, either, and will always make Guardian have a place in my heart.

dele

That sounds interesting! I like Japanese dramas, on the whole. I think I'll check that one out.

[china_shop]

I took 10 days off trying to write to do a meditation course and ended up not using all 10 days, because I just had to get some ideas down by day 8.

When I started trying to meditate, I would keep pen and paper handy in case I had fic thoughts that had to be recorded -- which ot1h, setting myself up to fail, but otoh, fic thoughts have to be recorded! And if I don't write them, I have to keep reciting them to myself. Eventually I found a different technique that made it easier not to have the fic thoughts in the first place. (Still had thoughts springing up, of course, but not ones I Had To Write Down.)

I really should go back to meditating some time. /random, hi!

Not to neglect the books scene, which I know makes some people cringe but look, it's Shameless Zhao Yunlan, he thought he was gonna win Shen Wei over by running a scam, he needed this.

Ha, yes! I love that scene so much. *noogies ZYL foreeeeever*