A few mundane things before I get back to writing

[ratbones]

1. New WIP here, brain being consumed, very pleasing given how long it's been since that has happened. It is important for me to just commit to a story concept, any concept, and then get words onto the screen, even if they're all the wrong words. It starts to become a good story and the right words via work, it's not handed down from on high already like that, at least not for me. Anyway - I was for various reasons unable to muster excitement until I'd pushed through that initial effort, but now, now I'm into this fic (and still a little scared about screwing it up but I think I can just let that fear be.)

2. I bought a new laptop! An Asus TUF A17. Fingers crossed that I have chosen well, within the limits of my budget. My current laptop has been used almost every day for 11 years and finally this year started to show real signs of aging, and then went downhill fast. It's gotten bad enough that just flipping through tabs quickly will make things creaky, and I'm not a tab hoarder (although it somehow still loads Warframe and lets me play, if I'm patient with it) and also there are a couple of annoying issues with the screen, so I'm eager to get my hands on something that's not geriatric. I should be receiving it next week.

3. There is no reason why January should be any better than December. New years are obviously arbitrary and January is possibly my least favorite month. So I'm thinking about ways to effortfully make things look brighter for myself. The two items above are a big part of that. Trying to get myself into stretching/yoga; I'm physically active for my job, but frequently a little sore from going between physical exertion and hunched over my desk with no stretching out in between. Trying to meditate more, too, and find where I can fit mindfulness in around writing. They're both really important to me but they are just a little bit in conflict.

4. Not doing a great job of being socially present at the moment, apart from DMs and email (maybe) and my own comment sections, but I'm kind of letting that go by the wayside to ease some pressure till I feel like I'm on less uneven ground, mental health-wise. I'm getting there. Apologies for the general silence.

Comments

[frith_in_thorns]

Heya! Nice to see you ♥ I am also behind on EVERYTHING, including your fics, but have hope of one day catching up!

Hooray for new laptop! That's always fun. And I do hope January does include brightness for you :)

[ratbones]

Oh hi, long time no talk! Hope you're doing well! Totally understandable that you should be behind on things, hah. I need to read your sky pirates fic as well - I'm kind of saving it for when I want a juicy binge read.

Very excited for the new laptop and for hopefully (probably?) more cheerful weeks ahead. <33

[nnozomi]

Even though I don't know how long it will take me to get to them, I like having new fics of yours squirreled away to read.

It starts to become a good story and the right words via work, it's not handed down from on high already like that
Too true. I wonder if we forget the painful tedious parts every time once a given story is done, and have to keep reminding ourselves that yes, it actually is this hard...

Trying to meditate more, too, and find where I can fit mindfulness in around writing. They're both really important to me but they are just a little bit in conflict.
Interested to hear more about this if you ever feel like talking about it here, as something outside my experience.

Not doing a great job of being socially present at the moment
If there's anything to be said for 2020, it's being entitled to handle things in whatever way works at the moment with no judgment (wow that was incoherent, but you know what I mean). Take good care ♡.

[ratbones]

Even though I don't know how long it will take me to get to them, I like having new fics of yours squirreled away to read.
Aww! <3 They'll be there when you get there.

I wonder if we forget the painful tedious parts every time once a given story is done, and have to keep reminding ourselves that yes, it actually is this hard...
Oh, yeah, well-put. It seems that I absolutely do forget, if I have a bit of a break. I had myself at the point of wondering if I actually even liked writing. (I do! But there were a couple of days when I didn't.)

I would be happy to talk more about the writing-vs-mindfulness thing at some point! If I manage to find some balance in the next few weeks...or if I struggle and completely fail to...either way, that would give me some fresh experiences for a post, I guess.

I do know what you mean, and thank you for the affirmation of that! <3 It is nice, in a weird way, that everyone is coping with something recently. Feels like perfection is less expected, just in general.

[umadoshi]

*hugs* It's always wonderful to see fic from you, and always wonderful to see YOU!

[ratbones]

Ahhh that's so sweet, thank you! I really appreciate you following my WIPs with their erratic update schedules and whatnot <3

[solo]

Oooh, looking forward to new fic by you!!! You're one of my favourite writers in Guardian!

Congrats on the new laptop! 11 years is a long time to stick with the same one...

[ratbones]

Awww thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoy my fics! <3

I'm pretty proud of that 11 year track record - I try to take good care of my things - but the time has come, and I'm excited for the new shiny!

[naye]

I am of the very firm opinion that social presence is not a job and that you cannot get behind on it. It's something to engage with when and if and in the amounts that gives you the "yay, socialization!" buzz and there should be no guilt involved. (I say this and then I grimly edit out my apologies every time I haven't posted for a while, because apparently my brain doesn't care about my opinions?) That said: it is lovely to hear from you! ♥ Yay new laptop! I hope that the Asus arrives swiftly, treats you well, and that you will have everything you need on it.

My reading brain broke early in 2020, and I am trying to put it back together with baby steps: one fic or one chapter of a fic per day in December. I'm currently making my way through Frith's Cloudfarers, but I have Black Scales open in a reading tab! I am optimistic enough about my progress to be excited to actually get to read it.

Trying to get myself into stretching/yoga
If you find a way of getting yourself to do it please share! I need to myself but. Somehow it's just. Not enough to get past the but I don't wanna. (I'm already walking and using the exercise bike every single day! Isn't that enough meatpuppet maintenance??)

[ratbones]

I would love to internalize your take on social engagement...seems like it's not so easy to do, but I can at least remind myself of it when I start feeling guilty. (I tend to feel particularly guilty about receiving comments on my stuff and not leaving comments elsewhere, but that's not terribly logical because it's other people's choice whether they leave comments on my things.)

I hope your reading brain continues to recover! I'm saving Cloudfarers as a bit of a treat, it looks VERY enticing. Black Scales will be there whenever you get there! <3

Ahhh you're already doing lots of dedicated exercise every day, adding another thing is hard! I'm much less of a daily-streaks person than you are, I think, but I've been managing quick yoga sessions almost every day recently. Had a couple of rough weeks where I seemed to put all my stress into my back, so I was achy as hell and stretching out was near-instant gratification - even just ten minutes and I felt so so much better. Less achy now but still noticing that it makes my body a lot less grumpy with me. The positive conditioning seems to have trained me, somewhat, or at least gotten me started.

[naye]

seems like it's not so easy to do, but I can at least remind myself of it when I start feeling guilty.
Yes, please do! ♥ Nobody wants you to feel guilty!

Getting instant gratification is a great motivator! In my case I'm lucky enough that I'm not constantly sore - it just gets bad at night and wakes me up ridiculously early, which is...suboptimal. But maybe if I stuck to doing some basic stretches for a couple of days and got a full night's sleep that could do it. Hmm.

[ratbones]

Ooh, interrupted sleep is awful. If you discover that stretching lets you sleep more and better, that's a pretty good incentive too! If a bit less classical conditioning than mine.

[clevermanka]

Congratulations on the writing inspiration! What a good feeling after a dry spell. I hope you find a comfortable spot with being social. Peace of mind is a scarce resource these days.

[ratbones]

It really does feel great to have the writing momentum back! And, yeah, it's rough finding a comfortable balance with just about anything these days. Hopefully I'll settle out somewhere in between my natural hermit instincts and "I must respond to/say yes to all the things."

[tinny]

Not doing a great job of being socially present at the moment, apart from DMs and email (maybe) and my own comment sections, but I'm kind of letting that go by the wayside to ease some pressure till I feel like I'm on less uneven ground, mental health-wise.

Absolutely totally normal, understood and appreciated. Take care of yourself. <3

[ratbones]

Ahh thank you, will do <33