so who's the moth?
Jul. 8th, 2020 05:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ratbonesI was stepping out onto my porch to retrieve my dry laundry this afternoon when I noticed there was a very small spider on the storm door, near the latch. She was carrying a dead moth slightly bigger than herself.
Nice one, little buddy, I thought, but you're going to get smashed if you stay there. So I tried to brush her off onto the porch, where she'd be outdoors and probably safer.
I dislodged the moth from her grip instead. "Crap, sorry," I said, out loud, to the spider. I tried to nudge her off again.
I turned her into a brown streak on the door.
For a solid couple of seconds, I stood there, looking at the door. I considered bursting into tears, because I'm always kind of wavering on the edge of that lately, and it did seem like a fair opportunity. But, I mean, it was just a spider. So I went outside and got my laundry.
This story is a metaphor for whatever you think it's a metaphor for, but I'm just posting this because I feel guilty about the spider.
Also, yeah, the slightly fragile state: I've had my solitude back for a while now, but my personal life continues to be more complicated than I'd like, and I had a hilariously awful Murphy's Law mess of a weekend from which I really haven't recovered (the most dramatic part of which was when a power outage triggered an emergency at work which led to me working somewhat frantically until midnight and then when I finally got home, this is not some kind of euphemism, my home was full of live bats (whatever you're about to tell me about bats: I know)) and I'm feeling pretty burned out on...everything other than writing.
Writing is actually pretty good! I wrote almost 2k yesterday, which felt fantastic. I'm starting to feel more cheerful about my current WIP - I thinknnozomi's comment to me about how we're not required to write well is slowly working some kind of magic on me. I'd had the thought before, but sometimes you need to hear it from someone else. I had been procrastinating and feeling weird and bad about posting stuff because I was worried that the next thing I made wouldn't be as good as the previous thing, but now I've got an additional voice in my head saying "so what?" (And "according to whom?")
I'm still having some troubling task inertia every day when I try to get started, though, because I'm spending a lot of my free time just sort of shut off, because overwhelm and stuff. Also, we've been in a heat wave for over a week, with no sign of it letting up, and I don't have air conditioning. That rarely bothers me much, but it's just. SO HOT. And that makes it hard to not just lie around.
Nice one, little buddy, I thought, but you're going to get smashed if you stay there. So I tried to brush her off onto the porch, where she'd be outdoors and probably safer.
I dislodged the moth from her grip instead. "Crap, sorry," I said, out loud, to the spider. I tried to nudge her off again.
I turned her into a brown streak on the door.
For a solid couple of seconds, I stood there, looking at the door. I considered bursting into tears, because I'm always kind of wavering on the edge of that lately, and it did seem like a fair opportunity. But, I mean, it was just a spider. So I went outside and got my laundry.
This story is a metaphor for whatever you think it's a metaphor for, but I'm just posting this because I feel guilty about the spider.
Also, yeah, the slightly fragile state: I've had my solitude back for a while now, but my personal life continues to be more complicated than I'd like, and I had a hilariously awful Murphy's Law mess of a weekend from which I really haven't recovered (the most dramatic part of which was when a power outage triggered an emergency at work which led to me working somewhat frantically until midnight and then when I finally got home, this is not some kind of euphemism, my home was full of live bats (whatever you're about to tell me about bats: I know)) and I'm feeling pretty burned out on...everything other than writing.
Writing is actually pretty good! I wrote almost 2k yesterday, which felt fantastic. I'm starting to feel more cheerful about my current WIP - I think
nnozomi's comment to me about how we're not required to write well is slowly working some kind of magic on me. I'd had the thought before, but sometimes you need to hear it from someone else. I had been procrastinating and feeling weird and bad about posting stuff because I was worried that the next thing I made wouldn't be as good as the previous thing, but now I've got an additional voice in my head saying "so what?" (And "according to whom?")I'm still having some troubling task inertia every day when I try to get started, though, because I'm spending a lot of my free time just sort of shut off, because overwhelm and stuff. Also, we've been in a heat wave for over a week, with no sign of it letting up, and I don't have air conditioning. That rarely bothers me much, but it's just. SO HOT. And that makes it hard to not just lie around.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-09 07:40 am (UTC)And wait. We don't have to write well??
...
It's true? Huh.
Super glad that's working for you - words feel WONDERFUL. And good luck with the rest of 2020 which I didn't know came in "full of live bats" but of course it does and you just had to be the lucky winner!
no subject
Date: 2020-07-09 08:49 pm (UTC)They tell me we're not even getting a grade in this class! I know, seems fake. Words DO feel wonderful, I'm so pleased they're happening.
Yes, lucky me! It's like that clip with Oprah and the bees, except bats. 2020 is full of surprises!