Alone at last

[ratbones]

I have been required to interact with humans, in my own home, for the past twelve days. Everyone who stayed at my house was a perfectly lovely guest; they're all people I genuinely like, and whom I had not seen in a long time, and I had fun spending time with them. But. I am. so tired. I really thought I'd manage to get a little writing done, even if it wasn't the 5k-a-week thing, but I didn't. I filled in some plot holes and plans in my notes, but I only wrote maybe a few hundred words the whole time. I just had no brainspace for it. I've also gotten behind on reading and been a bit of a flake with commenting and replies and stuff, at least compared to normal. I've been operating at about 20% of my standard neural capacity and had limited free time. It's been weird.

On the bright side, I think I seduced one of my guests into watching Guardian. Risks of staying at my house include: getting cat hair on your clothes, being ruined by WeiLan. Have I done a bad thing? I already had them pretty well convinced, and then I showed them some screencaps. Their reaction to Shen Wei's face was "Baby!! He's a GOOD BOY. My son!" and so the doe eyes claimed another victim. (For some reason, they had trouble believing Zhao Yunlan was also the goodest boy. Why would anyone think that face was anything less than perfectly innocent?)

I've now spent about 24 hours not talking to anyone, and during that time I've eaten a large quantity of mac & cheese and gotten some good sleep, so I'm feeling a lot less scattered and more myself. I expect to get back to working on the WIP tonight. Not writing has provoked some weird anxiety, and now I'm a bit daunted by the prospect of jumping in where I left off, but I'll figure it out. Writing scenes out of order wouldn't be anything new. I can go back and tackle the tricky part once I've ground the rust off my gears. Okay, at this point I'm only still typing to reassure myself, so I should probably just bite the bullet and go type some fic instead.

Comments

[ratbones]

Ten month period? Of frantically typing fic in every spare moment.
Just have to say, this is amazing. I fully agree that Guardian is magic, but also YOU are magic.

Settling back into creativity has been a struggle, where it didn't really use to be, and this is disorienting and I dislike it, but - it's weekend, and I have no plans, and it feels like light at the end of a long funride tunnel.
Same experience! Same exactly! (Squished into a much shorter time period, but. I relate to the feelings.) I've been so scared that the creativity just wasn't coming back, but it is, thank goodness. I'm pleased that both of us are finding our way back to the writing place. I'm a bit impatient with myself, I'd like to be getting back there faster, but the important thing is that it's happening.

I may have wailed very softly in emotional distress at how much Zhao Yunlan's muffin-crumbness means to me.
awww i wail with you

[naye]

I fully agree that Guardian is magic, but also YOU are magic.
If I'd actually made an effort to be magic I might take some credit for it, but seriously - I've been fueled by a weird cocktail of falling in love with Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei's falling in love, frustration with certain storytelling choices/budget issues and incredible spite at the censorship. (Also by getting instant feedback from xparrot - it's been years since we shared a fandom, and Guardian has been a total gift! We've had a lot of fandoms in common through twenty years of squee, but nothing we've both been writing fic for in the past decade.)

Something about that mix is incredibly potent and goes straight to whatever scurrying gerbils count as a writing brain. ♥

I've been so scared that the creativity just wasn't coming back, but it is, thank goodness.
Oh good good! That is excellent - that fear is real, for sure. (Not sure creativity works like that, but it might??)

I'm a bit impatient with myself, I'd like to be getting back there faster, but the important thing is that it's happening.
I am reading this and feeling a little bit of calm descend, and a little bit of panic leave. Yes. Yes, the important thing is that it is happening. Fast would be best, but whatever pace is good. Getting closer to finding a rhythm again, and making words happen, and all of that.

Here's to a relaxing weekend!

[ratbones]

Shush you're still magic. xparrot too, y'all are such an inspiration to me as a writer. I do understand the unpredictable nature of the brain gerbils, though. There's no telling them what to do, but they certainly feed on Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan and anti-censorship spite. Also, twenty years omggg that's an inspiration in itself!

(Not sure creativity works like that, but it might??)
I want to think this is an irrational fear but I DON'T KNOW. :(

Fast would be best, but whatever pace is good. Getting closer to finding a rhythm again, and making words happen, and all of that.
Yes, all of this! I do struggle a bit with when to "force it" and when to just let things happen as they happen, but I suspect that guilting myself and stressing is not helpful. (when is it ever.)

Here's to a relaxing weekend!
I had to work and now I've been attacked with a social thing I can't get out of tomorrow and ugh. I hope you're having a relaxing weekend and maybe I'll have a relaxing beginning of the week? That's the plan anyway.

[naye]

Also, twenty years omggg that's an inspiration in itself!
It all started with a fic (hers) and a comment (mine, by email, because that's how it worked in those days)... And here we are. Still with the fic and the emails. ♥

I want to think this is an irrational fear but I DON'T KNOW. :(
We could always decide that, having put all this hard work into writing, we have worn little creative grooves in our brains we can always return to? That sounds like it should work, right?

I suspect that guilting myself and stressing is not helpful. (when is it ever.)
It isn't ever, is it? And yes, I suspect the same. Ficcing isn't supposed to be a chore.

I had to work and now I've been attacked with a social thing I can't get out of tomorrow and ugh.
Oh noooo that is terrible timing! I hope you have managed to carve out a little bit of time for yourself, and that the week brings both inspiration and opportunity to write. (I've had both, so thank you for the good wishes! They worked!)

[ratbones]

It all started with a fic (hers) and a comment (mine, by email, because that's how it worked in those days)... And here we are. Still with the fic and the emails. ♥
this is beautiful :')

We could always decide that, having put all this hard work into writing, we have worn little creative grooves in our brains we can always return to?
Yes, perfect, thank you. I'm choosing to believe this because it sounds plausible and reassuring.

I've had both, so thank you for the good wishes! They worked!
Yaaaaay! I managed to write nearly 3k even with all the stuff happening, so I have hopes for this week, too!

[naye]

I'm just here to be excited that you managed so many words in the middle of all that! HEROIC! ♥

[ratbones]

Ohh thank you so much! *beams*