It's a lot of words.
Jan. 1st, 2020 03:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ratbonesWord count for 2019: 146,698
...Yeah, so I will have cleared 150k within probably a week. It's like, once I had the thought in my head that I'd clear 150k in 2019, I immediately had to not do it, just to spite the universe, or myself. You know, I've tried to put habit trackers on my phone multiple times. The problem is, I get more satisfaction out of flipping off the reminder notifications than I do out of ticking the little boxes.
Still, though. I say "word count for the year", but it starts in May. It's a lot of words, fast, for someone who just switched it on out of nowhere. I still haven't totally made sense of that. I wasn't even a little bit a writer this time last year. I kind of wanted to be, and I had kind of tried multiple times since I was a kid, but finishing anything seemed way too hard for me and out of reach. You know how they say your brain isn't done growing till you're 25? It's like plotting was the last thing to grow in on me.
Maybe all the writing is a temporary phenomenon. It doesn't feel temporary. It feels important. In a way that other endeavors in my adulthood haven't. I've been thinking about that, and about storytelling, and about what exactly it is I'm doing here. No brilliant conclusions yet.
All-Consuming is sitting at 90k words right now, and will certainly be over 100k before it's done (presumably within the month). I have a bunch of feelings about that, too, but it seems kind of silly to work through them before I've finished the thing. I may feel totally differently about it by then.
There's a level of unsettledness about not writing as much as I planned over the past two months. Sometimes I think I decide not to write for good reasons, like being a human meat person who needs to take breaks and isn't always up to producing quality work. Sometimes I think I'm allowing myself to be stymied and inhibited because I've come to the point where "ratbones" is no longer an identity I can abandon without losing anything if I really beef it. Realistically, it's both, but I've been thinking about the second one, and I don't have a brilliant fix for that, either. It's not like I can magically make myself give less of a shit (that would be convenient in many ways.)
Anyway. I think maybe I should concentrate on something besides untangling myself, just for half a second. So, first off, I'm pretty proud of myself for writing so much in 8 months when I hadn't planned to write anything or set any goals. Secondly, thank you so much, Guardian fandom people. I know there's a general sense that 2019 sucked and we're all hoping for a better 2020, but my 2019 was actually awesome because you guys are awesome and talented and fun and welcoming and kind. This fandom means a lot to me. Happy New Year, everyone. I hope we can keep doing this for a while longer.
Oh. Also, I'm finally reading the Yuletide collection. Thank you to everyone who participated, allowing people like me to freeload! What a harvest of stories, guys, wow.
...Yeah, so I will have cleared 150k within probably a week. It's like, once I had the thought in my head that I'd clear 150k in 2019, I immediately had to not do it, just to spite the universe, or myself. You know, I've tried to put habit trackers on my phone multiple times. The problem is, I get more satisfaction out of flipping off the reminder notifications than I do out of ticking the little boxes.
Still, though. I say "word count for the year", but it starts in May. It's a lot of words, fast, for someone who just switched it on out of nowhere. I still haven't totally made sense of that. I wasn't even a little bit a writer this time last year. I kind of wanted to be, and I had kind of tried multiple times since I was a kid, but finishing anything seemed way too hard for me and out of reach. You know how they say your brain isn't done growing till you're 25? It's like plotting was the last thing to grow in on me.
Maybe all the writing is a temporary phenomenon. It doesn't feel temporary. It feels important. In a way that other endeavors in my adulthood haven't. I've been thinking about that, and about storytelling, and about what exactly it is I'm doing here. No brilliant conclusions yet.
All-Consuming is sitting at 90k words right now, and will certainly be over 100k before it's done (presumably within the month). I have a bunch of feelings about that, too, but it seems kind of silly to work through them before I've finished the thing. I may feel totally differently about it by then.
There's a level of unsettledness about not writing as much as I planned over the past two months. Sometimes I think I decide not to write for good reasons, like being a human meat person who needs to take breaks and isn't always up to producing quality work. Sometimes I think I'm allowing myself to be stymied and inhibited because I've come to the point where "ratbones" is no longer an identity I can abandon without losing anything if I really beef it. Realistically, it's both, but I've been thinking about the second one, and I don't have a brilliant fix for that, either. It's not like I can magically make myself give less of a shit (that would be convenient in many ways.)
Anyway. I think maybe I should concentrate on something besides untangling myself, just for half a second. So, first off, I'm pretty proud of myself for writing so much in 8 months when I hadn't planned to write anything or set any goals. Secondly, thank you so much, Guardian fandom people. I know there's a general sense that 2019 sucked and we're all hoping for a better 2020, but my 2019 was actually awesome because you guys are awesome and talented and fun and welcoming and kind. This fandom means a lot to me. Happy New Year, everyone. I hope we can keep doing this for a while longer.
Oh. Also, I'm finally reading the Yuletide collection. Thank you to everyone who participated, allowing people like me to freeload! What a harvest of stories, guys, wow.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-01 09:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-01-01 09:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-01-01 09:40 pm (UTC)♥
I know this feeling. I've been dancing around it for...very long. I hope that it isn't temporary. I hope it sticks. I hope that it is important.
There's a level of unsettledness about not writing as much as I planned over the past two months.
Ah. And I know this feeling, too. I'm glad you're working on it, and hope there's a way to settle.
You are awesome for writing so much (and so much AMAZING stuff) in such a short period of time - you are a gift to Guardian fandom, and I am delighted that I (as I am a person and not a fandom) get to have you be a part of it!
Thank you for your words in 2019. I am so looking forward to reading more of them in 2020.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-01 10:53 pm (UTC)Very cool to know you're another "wait I'm writing now?" person. *fistbump* I, too, hope we keep doing this for a while longer.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-02 12:11 am (UTC)I share some of your feeling about one's brains suddenly producing stories! My brain has not produced nearly as many words, but I was still very startled to be writing fiction at all.
I think your words are awesome, and that writing doesn't have to be a forever thing to be important and meaningful.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-02 04:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-01-02 04:05 am (UTC)...Huh. I don't know. I'm fine with being complicated and containing multitudes, but I'd like to have some idea what those multitudes are, so when they get on their bullshit I can respond in an informed fashion. That's how I'm used to managing myself, but maybe that is overly controlling when it comes to creative endeavors. Maybe I could let myself alone a bit and just write.
I don't think I'd ditch my pseud at this point, either, but that makes me want to play it safe (as if such a thing is even possible). Gotta remember that things going awry isn't the end of the world/can be survived without committing pseudicide.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-02 06:45 am (UTC)(Shen Wei is much better at it.)
no subject
Date: 2020-01-02 07:08 am (UTC)Here's to hoping your well of inspiration doesn't dry for a very long time to come!
Happy New Year!
no subject
Date: 2020-01-02 04:29 pm (UTC)I'm happy to have met you. ^_^ And I have such sympathy for feeling tangled up about writing and words and all that jazz.
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Date: 2020-01-03 04:40 am (UTC)I feel certain it's important even if it doesn't stick. But I want it to stick, too. please.
Re: everything else you wrote, thank you so much -- you are way too sweet and you've been so good to me these past months, both with the encouragement and with your own tasty tasty writing. More words 2020! :D
no subject
Date: 2020-01-03 04:57 am (UTC)Me too? Me too. And I had a pretty untroubled year, relatively speaking. The fandom is just that terrific.
I definitely am. Sharing my writing was terrifying the first couple times but I HAD TO. (I'm glad I'm not the only one who's not tired of this yet, as well!)
no subject
Date: 2020-01-03 05:05 am (UTC)It seems like that has happened to several of us! It's confusing and exciting and I'm really grateful for it.
Thank you! That's a good point. I'd like it to last, but it doesn't nullify the work I did if it doesn't.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-03 05:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-01-03 05:11 am (UTC)Same to you!
Hah, yeah, it can get complicated. In my case, at least, I'm sure I'm overthinking it sometimes. That's kind of one of my talents. :P
no subject
Date: 2020-01-03 05:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-01-03 06:10 pm (UTC)Thank you for sharing in this wonderful fandom!
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Date: 2020-01-03 06:17 pm (UTC)Alas, it's an art that too many of us spend time refining. *hugs*
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Date: 2020-01-03 08:31 pm (UTC)INTERNET TOAST TO THIS! *raises tea*
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Date: 2020-01-04 02:48 am (UTC)Thank you, as well! The initial effort at writing happened because I wanted to contribute to this fandom. :D
no subject
Date: 2020-01-04 02:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-01-04 02:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-01-05 01:36 am (UTC)I also hope you keep producing words for a long time!